How I Prevented the Guy I Was Dating from Cheating on Me

Warning: This story contains some sadness

Photo by Drew Hays on Unsplash

I wish there was some sort of scanner you could run over a person on a first date to detect whether the person is apt to cheat.

It would be like those stud finders you run over dry wall. They beep when they detect a vertical piece of wood behind the wall (well, actually the metal fasteners in the wood but no need to be precious here).

We could call it the ‘cheater finder’.

There was one date I went on where I think the cheater finder would have beeped loudly.

Here’s how the date played out, and here are the details of how I prevented myself from being cheated on, without the help of a cheater finder.

The Guy

My impression from his online dating profile: “This guy is cubic zirconia.”

He was handsomeness incarnate.

He had those crinkles around the eyes that make women pant. (Or is that just me? Man, I’m a sucker for crow’s-feet.)

He had a head full of the most luxurious hair that was clearly pruned at an expensive salon. (How did he manage to make the scruff on his jaw look refined instead of patchy?!)

His messages were charming. I read him as an ultra-masculine, successful sales guy.

This was the kind of guy that I’d normally have nothing to do with.

Give me the guy who says something stupid because he’s nervous on a first date, realizes he said something stupid, laughs awkwardly, and then I laugh with him because now it’s ok for me to say something stupid, too. That’s my guy.

This guy was too suave to ever say anything stupid. He was too polished.

I ignored his messages at first. I can’t explain it, but I just feel kind of suspicious of too-handsome, too-polished guys.

I assume we have little in common.

I assume that they’re pursuing me because they’re interested in my exterior, but I feel sure that they won’t be interested in my dorky, woman-who-spends-too-much-time-writing-on-Medium interior.