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Do You Date a Lot but Just Can’t Seem to Find “The One”?

Lee Bidoski
7 min readDec 18, 2022

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This may be why you accidentally ruin your relationships.

A man sits on some rocks overlooking a lake and mountains. He seems lonely.
Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash

Do you know a good person, but somehow, someway, this person just ends up in a bunch of dead-end relationships?

Are you that person? Look at your relationship history. Is it dotted with relationships that started strong — you felt sure the person was pretty great — but by the end you discovered the person wasn’t that great after all? And this keeps happening over and over?

Perhaps you believe every one of those relationships didn’t work out because of something wrong with the person you dated. “It wasn’t a good fit,” you’ll say.

If you’ll suspend your belief for a moment, I’ll show you how this may be a hint that you are, in fact, an avoidant, and that’s what’s causing you to bail on all of these relationships.

You can read about attachment styles elsewhere, but here I’ll look at one clear symptom of the avoidant attachment style: You’ll find a reason, a very logical, sensible reason, to break up. But when we look below the surface, the reasons for the break-ups aren’t as sensible as you make it sound.

Let me show you what that looks like so you can see if this is what’s going on with you.

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Lee Bidoski
Lee Bidoski

Written by Lee Bidoski

I’m a psychology professor trying to understand and improve our lives. Relationships | Dating | Health | Careers | Sports | Law Enforcement | Military

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