Have You Been Told “You’re Too Much” or “You Try Too Hard” In Dating?

Here’s what these labels mean, why you need to ditch these labels, and how to ditch these labels

Lee Bidoski
6 min readAug 23, 2024
Coffee beans in a coffee grinder
Photo by Ashkan Forouzani on Unsplash

Have you ever been accused of being ‘too much’ or ‘trying too hard’? Me too, my friend, me too.

I’ve asked people why they think someone is ‘too much’. I’ve asked, “What did the person do to earn the description ‘tries too hard’?”

Strangely, no one could give me a concrete description or examples. They just tend to label someone as ‘trying too hard’ without really being able to say what the person is doing that takes them from trying hard to trying ‘too’ hard.

I’ve also asked this question: “So, what’s so bad about trying hard? Isn’t trying hard…a good thing?” People are stumped when I ask that, but they just somehow sense it’s not a good thing.

I didn’t really know what they meant until this morning…and suddenly…I get it.

So if you’ve gotten the feedback that you’re too much, or you try too hard, then maybe reading this will be the ‘Eureka’ moment it was for me when I made coffee this morning.

This morning, I was very aggravated with myself. I went to make coffee, but I didn’t have enough left to make a cup.

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Lee Bidoski

I’m a psychology professor trying to understand and improve our lives. Relationships | Dating | Health | Careers | Sports | Law Enforcement | Military