Hello, Au-Yeong--This is certainly one reason that dating can suck--so much hinges on word choice, doesn't it? I kind of think of it as a form of judging people on appearance. If someone showed up to a date looking like she didn't comb her hair or maybe wearing stained clothes, then you might infer this person might not be a good dating prospect--from nothing more than her hair and shirt. In the modern age of dating apps and texts, word choice is sort of like that. When we see someone's choice of words, we may infer something, something that might not even be correct. Perhaps this question is harmless, yet...this question may also not be well thought out, the equivalent of a lazy preparation of your appearance before you first meet someone, you know? I'm not sure what the equivalent is in terms of military weapons, but imagine you're a military contractor trying to decide what the best weapon is to purchase for your troops. You see this one piece of weaponry that has some plastic pieces that make it look sort of cheap and not well-made. You may immediately assume a lot about it, and pass it by, without, literally, giving it a shot. You don't want to waste your time and money on something that seems like an open-and-shut case of being cheap and/or not being worth your time and money.

But if you shot it you might find it's actually very...effective? I know, weird analogy, but I guess I'm trying to illustrate why, in the modern era of dating, word choice can plague us all. Just as I've heard some people are bothered by 'harmless' questions like the one in this text, I've heard some men are bothered when a woman asks "What do you do for a living?" Perhaps she's just trying to generate conversation, but some men get offended by this seemingly-harmless question, inferring the woman wants to know if his income status is commensurate with what she wants. I've heard some men immediately ditch a woman based on that seemingly harmless question. So...if a woman becomes aware that this question is going to be bothersome to some men, she can decide if she wants to ask that question in that way or not. But here's what I'd also like to convey in this piece: Notice the piece is riddled with the words "some" and "can" and "may"? That's because some people may be bothered by this sort of text and some may not. Meaning...when you learn what might bother some people--and why--you can choose to get discouraged by it, or you can be glad you learned something that might help you. Alternatively, you can choose to disregard it and likely eventually you'll find the person who isn't at all bothered by this question. And that's what I hope for you: Despite how sucky dating "can" be, you're not so discouraged that you give up or paint all women as bad. We keep sharing information and learning and choosing what is/isn't important to us and...we keep trying. I'm going to keep trying, Au-Yeong. I hope you will, too! -- Lee