Hello, David--

I have the same hope, that we lose the 'masculine' or 'feminine' labels for activities and just regard it as an activity.

This dichotomy between 'adventurous' identity vs 'domestic' identity was only meant to be an example. It could be, say, someone who doesn't get to engage in activities that satisfy a creative identity (e.g., musician), so then that person may be less likely to keep doing yet more stuff that also doesn't suit him.

The gist being, if people are forcing themselves to do a lot of activities in their work lives that they're not inclined to do, you can imagine they might become resistant to doing even more activities that they're not suited to do and don't want to do in their home lives.

I laughed about what you wrote, that some desk jockeys wouldn't last a day as cowboys--quite right!! And I wouldn't last a day as a musician! Or a baker. I have zero inclination to cook, tho supposedly that's a feminine activity.

The guys who said they'd love to be cowboys were ones I met while backpacking in mountains. If I'd asked desk jockeys who weren't already engaging in outdoor pursuits, I'd likely have gotten different answers.

My concern is when people spend 40+ hours/week on an activity that isn't aligned with their nature, often forcing themselves to do it because they feel they should for the sake of parents and families, then also aren't getting chances in their personal lives to do activities aligned with their nature, then that lack of fulfilment on both fronts might leak out in subtle ways, causing some problems in their relationships.

As you point out, there are plenty of men that are in masculine roles yet aren't helping out with housework--great point, and great example of critical thinking. I wish now I had written more explicitly that here I am only presenting one--of many--possible reasons that some men may not help out with housework. In some previous pieces I've written, I've given other reasons that may explain why some men aren't helping that aren't accounted for in this piece.

From what you've written, your activities seem well-rounded. We definitely can't be so indulgent that we can just do whatever we want whenever we want. Optimally, we can all find a good blend of activities in our work and personal lives to make sure we're not constantly sacrificing ourselves without also enjoying portions of our lives.

Anyway...thank you for stopping by and writing back, David, and thank you for provoking me to think more about this topic in a more nuanced manner.

--Lee