Hello, Gilligan--

Thank you for reading--and commenting. I did feel that most of what I read on this topic was from the perspective of parents and wives. I felt their reasons for wanting their sons/husbands to not go in trades, or low-paying outdoor jobs, or not go to military are fairly well-known--and understandable. And it's certainly known--and understandable--why at times both men and women have to give up some of what they want for the sake of marriages/families.

But I did feel like the downstream effects of these decisions aren't represented online. Men may make these sacrifices--and usually willingly--but maybe it's good for people to be aware of how that manifests in this...low-level unhappiness and leaks out in some negative behaviors.

Sure, we all--women and men--have to make some decisions where choosing personal happiness over responsibilities is plain careless. But I do wish for people to consider that, when possible, find a way that some happiness can be taken into account. It doesn't always have to be an either-or deal. Too often, these sort of decisions are framed as, "Either you make a good living and be unhappy, or be happy but you're broke and irresponsible. Sometimes, digging around for more information helps us see that we don't have to limit themselves to "This or that".

In the case of the student who wanted to be a lineman, I'd never say, "You should do what you want! Screw what your parents say!" Instead, I just ask questions. In his case, I asked, "What do your parents say when you tell them you'd prefer to be a lineman instead of a doctor?" His answer was, "I don't know because I've never told them." Same with some military colleagues I worked with. "What does your wife say when you tell her how and why it's so important to you that you deploy every now and then?" The typical answer: "I haven't told her." They're not letting the people know their thoughts and feelings about a topic, so they don't actually have the information to know whether they can find a way to balance their parents' or spouses' concerns with their own needs.

In your case, I can't help but ask the question, "Who could you talk to that could help you figure out if there's a way to have an outdoor career that is also financially stable?" Maybe when you talk to professors in the env science/forestry programs, they'll have plenty of information about how you'll use that degree to get financially stable, outdoor jobs. Maybe the entry-level ones are the ones that make an outdoor career seem not viable, but once you pay your dues in the entry-level jobs, there may be advancement beyond those.

It's kind of like me and performance psychology. At first glance, I thought, "That sounds so interesting, but it would be indulgent to go do something like that just because I'm interested." So for a long time I stayed with my stable career. But in the meantime, I picked a lot of people's brains until I gathered enough information to see that there was a path that worked for me so that I could responsibly pay my bills/retirement AND do what I love.

In many instances, "something" has to give. In my case, the something was that I don't get to live exactly where I'd prefer to live. But making a living at what I love to do was what I decided to prioritize so...I'm ok with that decision. Just, as you know, some military members may prefer to stay in the military, but when they realize that "something has to give", they may decide to get out for the sake of their family, and that's ok too.

I look forward to seeing where you end up, Gilligan...

--Lee