Hello, Joey.

I think a great point you’ve raised is this: Many (not all) of the reasons for wanting to get married are based on feelings. So what I hope men who are anti-marriage realize is this: Though a man (or woman) may think it’s illogical to want to get married, and he may think it’s illogical for a woman to ‘feel’ the way she does, it’s quite likely he won’t be able to use logic to persuade her to not feel the way she feels.

I guess…we all know this is true of many things, not just the topic of marriage. I so feel for my friend who is frustrated because he keeps getting rejected by women who aren’t ok with his belief that marriage is no good. He offers them long-term relationships, and he thinks they are ‘wrong’ for wanting marriage…well…it may be good for him to understand at the very least that some of these women aren’t wanting marriage due to some…intent to destroy him:) He may need to consider the that in labeling them ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ for feeling the way they feel, he’s trying to make them believe what he believes…He may not like that they feel that way, but I’m not sure that means they’re wrong or bad.

I hate that you felt the need to add the addendum, “Don’t shoot the messenger”, as tho you felt that by offering a different take on a topic you might get shot:) I’m glad you were willing to add your comment despite the concern for getting shot:)

Something I’ve appreciated about Medium is that it seems like many here are ok with saying, “Here’s a different take on what you’ve written”. In some instances, we say, “Oh, I didn’t think of it that way — glad you helped me see that different perspective.”

For example, you wrote “Most men don’t want marriage at all,” so perhaps most men you know don’t want it, whereas I know plenty of men who do want it (tho I don’t know whether plenty = most). So it’s just acknowledging, “Here’s something I’m seeing,” yet we’re all…right! That is something we’ve seen.

I like to say, “An opinion is never wrong.” An opinion is saying, “This is something I’m thinking based on my personal experiences and observations”. If you had different experiences, or knew different people, it’s quite understandable for you to have an opinion based on those.

It would be quite inaccurate for me to even pretend that I’m representing the views of all women (or men), or even the majority of divorced women. Like I said in the summary part, what I’ve really written here are ‘my’ reasons, and perhaps some other women share those reasons. Writing this really helped me crystallize my thoughts on this topic, given that I do know some men who wonder why I and other women (and men) are pro-marriage.

People may not like my reasons, but this it at least provides info that some may not be aware of or hadn’t considered…and it certainly opens the topic up for discussion!

So thank you for being willing to discuss this topic with me:)