Hello, MJ--

I was actually hoping you'd weigh in on this! While I was writing it, I actually thought, "I wonder what advice MJ would give on this". It made me realize how much I've come to appreciate the exchanges here on Medium. I especially value your thoughts because you know a lot about about how to make a relationship work.

I hear your wisdom in saying "it's about dialogue". I've read a bit recently about 'negotiating' in relationships, the idea being that you keep discussing it with your person til a way is figured out that both can be happy with. My takeaway is that I wouldn't act like a defiant teenager saying, "I'll do whatever the heck I please! I'm a grown woman!" but instead start some conversations to understand why he's bothered and see if there's a way to reduce his concerns yet also be willing to take on some limitations myself if that means he's not having to be stressed out with worry about me.

I think that this sort of thing may get a bit more complicated when finding a partner as we're older. When we're younger, we don't have as many established preferences and identities. When I was married, I hadn't already established this backpacking identity, so I didn't quite feel like I was giving up anything much when my ex-husband expressed his discomfort. But now that I already have this backpacking identity and many experiences, it would be hard to have someone new come into my life and say, "No, I wouldn't like for you to do this thing that you already do and have done quite a bit."

For me, backpacking is like...going to church. I want to care how my person feels, and respect their concerns, but...I still want to go to my 'church'.