Hello, MJ--Thank you for reading another one of my articles! And I so feel your pain--having to do all the housework on top of your own full-time job is NOT cool. That math of "You do all the indoor chores every day all day while I mow the yard once a week" doesn't add up, for sure.
That happened to me in a relationship. I'd been best friends with the guy for 10 years, so I really knew him in and out before we moved in together. He'd lived by himself for many years, so was already used to doing all the usual domestic chores for himself. And I knew him well, so I knew he wasn't a slacker or a jerk at all. And I knew for sure that he absolutely cared for me. I would NEVER have guessed he'd be the type of person to...just not do any of the domestic duties. But he was like that from almost day one. It was so unexpected that I didn't even know what to make of it.
Like you said, doing all the things like having reasonable conversations didn't help at all. Even when he'd agree to some chores, he didn't do what he agreed to do. So...I ended the relationship after 8 months, along with, sadly, our 10-year friendship.
It was...bizarre. But that's just it: When someone is acting so illogically, so out of character, to a degree that it doesn't even make a lick of sense, there's probably more to it. Often, invisible social or cultural or gender norms are at play.
It takes a generation or two for these sorts of norms to change.
Maybe...you and I kind of got stuck in the transition time between a major shift in these norms--the time when men absolutely wouldn't do any indoor chores to now when they are more and more being expected to do them.
Unfortunately, the only way big changes in norms like this come about is when people--like you--take drastic action. Maybe it took women like you kicking out the men who weren't changing with the times quick enough for other men to get the message to change with the times, too.
I'm just sorry that your suffering is part of what had to be done to bring about these changes. In a way, modern women are going to be thanking you, because you were one of the first generation of women to say "I'm not putting up with that crap." You're doing that may be why more and more men--like Dan Bloch--are definitely stepping up and now doing their share. I think in time we'll see more and more men doing likewise. You led that movement, MJ.
I hope you get to benefit from your own efforts...that--if you want it--you get to experience a relationship with a man who will do his share.
