Hello, XX--I certainly wouldn't excuse men or women for poor behaviors.

What I was hoping to do here, in part, was help women understand one reason that men behave the way they do. I'm interested in cause and effect--what causes a man (or anyone) to behave poorly? I think it helps women to understand how what they do, in part, affects other people. Personally, when I learn that what I did is causing something I don't want to happen to happen, I think "How can I change what I'm doing so that downstream I get what I want?"

For sure, it would be nice if the man would change or it would be nice, as you point out, if the 'system' wasn't this way. But here, I just look at what I--or you or any individual woman or individual man--can change now, today, in order to improve our lives and relationships.

If I get in my car and it won't crank, I can think of all the reasons something's wrong with that car. Sure, I can be mad because the global economy sucks or car manufacturers are ripping us all off, but in the meantime perhaps what's in my control is to check to see if the car isn't cranking because I forgot to put gas in it or I left the light on and so the battery is dead. Once I know that reason that is in my control, I can fix it and now the car cranks:)