“How Many People Have You Slept With?”: How to Find Out Without Getting Slapped

You may have legitimate reasons for asking, but here’s what to ask instead

Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash

You’re dating someone you like, someone you really, really like. Then you do it. You ask the question: “How many people have you slept with?”

THUD.

“Dude, that question is uncool. I’m out,” she says. Then she flounces out of the room, car, or restaurant. Or she hangs up the phone, deletes your texts, and blocks your number.

You think, “If she won’t answer that question, then I dodged a bullet. Good riddance.”

Away you go, back to the dating treadmill.

To you, it’s a legitimate question. You had your reasons for wanting to know her “number”.

How do you ask this question without insulting the person you’re dating?

Let’s assume you’re ok with dating people who aren’t virgins and people who have had sex with people other than spouses.

Let’s assume you don’t have religious objections to pre-marital sex.

And let’s assume this isn’t just a guy issue. (Turns out, women are judgy about how many people men have slept with, too, so I’ll be using he and she interchangeably.)