I so agree with you that "A decent guy with kids will place them first." Here's a part that I wrote in my initial draft, but it didn't make the cut when I was trying to trim some reading time off this piece (Makes me wonder if I shouldn't have cut it out):

"When dating people with kids, we all have to understand that the kids take priority.

I personally think that the kid SHOULD take priority. If the dads prioritized a girlfriend over their own kids, I probably wouldn’t have respected the dads."

Also, I wonder if I should have mentioned that none of those relationships ended due to the kids. Unfortunately, the relationships dissolved for other reasons, but those reasons are fodder for other stories:)

Like anyone, we all have to learn together how to make relationships work. My overall conclusion was not that "I shouldn't date guys with kids". Instead, my conclusion was that I did need to get better at making sure I communicated what was on my mind instead of not letting the person I was dating know what was on my mind. Once we both know of concerns, we could have figured out how to resolve them from there. We can't resolve the unspoken:) In relationships since then, I have done that and learned how wonderful men can be about working with me towards solutions so that all needs are taken into account. They've helped me see there is a way for me to express my needs, and have my need to be met, even though we both definitely agree that the kids have priority.

I've come to think that the solutions likely have to be specific to that specific situation. I wouldn't assume that difficulties in a relationship with one dad would be handled the same as difficulties in a relationship with another dad, but the need to say what's really on our minds is the same no matter what relationship, whether the person we're dating does or doesn't have kids. Good luck to you as well:)