I so hear you on this. I went through many years thinking the reason I hadn't found my person was because I just hadn't found the right person yet. It took quite a bit of self-examination for me to see that one reason was because I just wasn't putting much effort into relationships. I always succeeded in my work life and sport because I went all out. If I wasn't willing to put that much effort--or mindset--into my personal life, it's probably no surprise that I didn't succeed in relationships.

I'm now in a place in life where I can focus on relationships a bit more. Sounds like between work and kids and interests plus being in a location where prospective dates are (I think?) a bit hard to come by, it's understandable that you might not be as willing or able to apply that mindset. That's quite understandable. Maybe the time will come when you will consciously choose to adopt that mindset. Maybe you're in the recover and re-group phase. Sounds like you put in plenty of effort in the past, so a break is understandable.

I will say that I -- and many I know -- so wish that we could just meet people in a 'natural way', perhaps at work or through mutual friends or shared activities, so then we over time become friends and then it grows into a relationship. We'd much prefer that over online dating or activities designed to meet people for the purpose of dating. I've just had to shift my mindset. A biker wishes for the optimal conditions--no wind--but if it's windy, we still get out there.