Oh...that is...some sad stuff there, my friend. One thing I appreciated in the book was that Gary used the love languages as a way to jump-start marriages that were on the brink of divorce. If only...your ex-wife discovered this sooner and had been willing sooner to work on things. Crap. I was thinking about your observation that it seems like many women do have the language of acts of service. Gary seems to think the language you have reflects in part what you saw your parents doing. If they saw their moms being housewives, cleaning and cooking, they learned that that's how to show love, so perhaps that's why acts of service became their language. But yeah, at some point, when we figure out that what we're doing isn't working, that the person we care about isn't getting what s/he needs to feel loved and happy, it's time to learn new trick to make them feel loved and happy (and vice versa). It sounds like your ex-wife had some huge fears about being left dime-less if you died. I once read this book called women and money and it helped me understand why money is a very 'emotional' topic for women and dictates a lot of their spending habits. It would take a lot of work to help her develop a healthier, or less fearful, attitude about financial concerns. I hope she realizes that, or finds someone more aligned with her preferences. But in the meantime, I'm happy you're on the path to feeling more loved, James.