Seems like I didn’t make it clear — these aren’t conscious choices to rebel or withhold help. When some women wonder why men don’t help out as much as the women would prefer, they may assume it’s because he’s purposely rebelling or being lazy or isn’t a good man. They may not realize there are a lot of downstream effects originating from earlier decisions or suppressed natures. That’s what’s cool about psychology — tracing behaviors to reasons that in some cases people aren’t aware of themselves and can’t even verbalize.

I do hope couples find what works for the family. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the members of the couple can also find a way that works for the couple themselves and the family, without either member of the couple having to suppress too much of their true natures. It does seem that in some people’s perception, they must sacrifice themselves and be ok with being miserable for the good of the family. It would be mind-blowing for them to realize there’s a way to be good for the family AND have their own needs met.