"thoughtful surprises are a lost art"-- That really captures what I was trying to say, Epiphany!

I'm starting to think...I want to get better at recognizing the 'thoughtful' surprises even when they come in less sparkly, less creative packages. I think I was hung up on the cute, elaborate gestures of my younger years, wondering why men didn't do such cute things anymore. But after I wrote this, I recognized men do--but they do it in their form. Me sending a cute sketch is my thing. His equivalent was to make dinner--a really good one. Perhaps he would have wished I'd be sweet in the form of a really good dinner instead of an amateur sketch. Maybe his sweetness comes in the form of not expecting me to make him elaborate dinners when I'm more of a cereal woman. So if I keep faulting men for not being sweet in the forms I do, and they fault me for not being sweet in the ways they do...well, maybe we're all stuck on this dating merry-go-round when we can't appreciate the forms of sweetness we do get.

I hate that you said you hardly ever get past a first date...I know--oh how I know--dating can be discouraging when it seems like nothing is quite working out, but man...I gotta believe it's still worth the effort. I hope you keep trying, keep trying to figure this stuff out, without giving up and without getting jaded.